#Login Register

  • 4 Vote(s) - 2.5 Average

10 Crazy Badass Popes
02-12-2013, 12:52 AM #1
Posts:4,526 Threads:1,029 Joined:Jun 2012
taken from http://listverse.com/2013/02/02/10-crazy-badass-popes/

Most popes aren’t exactly known for kicking butt. When not giving sermons from the popemobile and preaching about love, they’re chilling out on Twitter like any modern celeb. But then you have the popes who took one look at their list of holy duties and said ‘hell with that’. For these guys, being God’s representative on Earth meant nothing compared to being the biggest badass in the whole of Christendom.

10)Pope St. Pius V
Reigned from 1566 to 72


Today, Pope Pius V is best known for throwing an epic hissy fit that led to Queen Elizabeth I being excommunicated. But that wasn’t all he did: even before he attempted to depose a monarch with the power of words, Pope Pius V was showing signs of incipient badassery.

After joining the Church at fourteen, he swiftly got involved with the Inquisition; where ‘got involved with’ means ‘terrified other inquisitors with his insane thirst for blood’. Booted out for his extreme tactics, Pope Pius V took one look at the lemons life had handed him and decided to make some murderous lemonade. Upon returning to Rome he shot up through the ranks, eventually making Pope; at which point he revived his love for Inquisiting big time. Dropped charges were revived, protections discarded, Jews sent into exile and Protestants terminated with extreme prejudice. He created the conditions for the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre, encouraged sectarian violence and was rewarded with Sainthood and a glass coffin.

9)Pope St. Leo I

You’ve probably heard of Attila the Hun. He was like Genghis Khan on steroids—a mad warrior king who got his kicks slaughtering most of Europe.

By contrast, Pope Leo I was a bookish pope. Rather than burning heretics, he was more likely to write them sternly-worded letters. In most times, this would have been a welcome development; sadly these were not most times. In 452, Attila decided to stomp Italy into oblivion. With his army making its way toward Rome, panic gripped the populace. After all who was going to save them, the pope?

Hell yes. Learning of the approaching army of bloodthirsty barbarians, Pope Leo I did what any of us would do and marched right into the middle of them to deliver a stern ticking off. And he succeeded: Attila heard him out, packed up and spared Rome. Just to clarify, this is about as likely as your average internet dweller talking down The League of Shadows. No record exists of what was actually said, so we’re gonna have to go with the most awesome version: St Peter’s ghost turning up to whup Attila’s ass. It is no wonder Pope Leo I is also known as Pope Leo the Great.

8)Pope Alexander VI

Like most of us (who admittedly aren’t popes), Pope Alexander VI—Rodrigo Borgia—had his good and bad points. On the one hand, he was a patron of the arts who commissioned pieces off guys like Michelangelo. On the other he was a corrupt, nepotistic pervert who fathered Machiavelli’s favorite prince.

Yeah, fathered—turns out not every pope was down with whole celibacy thing. While many of the charges against Pope Alexander VI may have been fabricated, there’s no denying he wasn’t exactly abstinent. Over the course of his life he fathered seven children from at least two mistresses, disgracing himself so much he was nearly refused a proper burial. If that wasn’t enough, he was also rumored to enjoy orgies in the Papal Palace, arrange murders and even shack up with his own daughter. Basically, the guy was the Renaissance equivalent of Silvio Berlusconi—and they made him pope.

7)Pope Urban VI

Known as “The Mad Pope,” Pope Urban VI’s life managed to be both completely badass and completely evil. During the siege of his Pompeii home, Urban used to lean out the window and excommunicate the enemy soldiers one by one; a move that would be ridiculous if it weren’t so ballsy. He was also a consummate drinker—at his coronation feast he drank everyone else under the table. Sadly, Urban wasn’t exactly a friendly drunk. He was supposedly plastered when he ordered the torture and murder of five of his cardinals, responding to their screams with taunts of “weak old women!” Eventually the Church got tired of his abusive ways and simply murdered him.

6)Pope Pius II

Even before becoming pope, Pope Pius II was leading a less-than monastic life. Unlike most Christians, he wasn’t only down with pornography; he was making it. But it’s not his smut-peddling past that earns him a place on this list, as much as his ability to summon Dracula.

Chances are you’re aware of Vlad Tepes and his moniker ‘The Impaler’. Vlad III was one of the most sadistic men who ever lived, content to raze entire villages to the ground, impale their population then take tea amid the corpses. He was the closest medieval Europe had to Satan himself, and Pope Pius II made a pact with him.

It was 1459, the Ottoman Empire was knocking on Europe’s door and Pope Pius II was having none of that. Enter Vlad. Under Pope Pius II’s orders, Vlad transformed into a one-man slaughterhouse; butchering the Turkish soldiers in ferocious cross-border ambushes and leaving their impaled corpses as warning. His addiction to torture was so great it acted as a form of psychological warfare —when the Ottoman army finally pressed into Vlad’s home turf they found a forest of 20,000 impaled Turks, enough to send them scurrying back to Asia. It was the equivalent of Superman and The Joker teaming up, and the scary thing is it worked.

top 5 here http://listverse.com/2013/02/02/10-crazy-badass-popes/
02-12-2013, 01:07 AM #2
Octo Mother Superior
Posts:41,062 Threads:1,568 Joined:Feb 2011
Nuts! All of them! scream.gif

Good read. damned.gif
02-12-2013, 06:44 AM #3
オタマジャクシ Member
Posts:1,098 Threads:31 Joined:Nov 2012
You actually missed the most famous pope Innocent III.

During the Albigensian Crusade against the Cathar heresy in 1209 A. D. the pope's representative is supposed to have been asked how to tell Cathars from Catholics. His reply was "Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius."—"Kill them all, the Lord will recognize His own."

Soldier of Fortune sold a lot of T-shirts with this slogan, "Kill them all, let God sort them out."



DISCLAIMER / Terms of Service (TOS):
Kritterbox.com - Socialize anonymously, commentary, discussion, oddities, technology, music and more!  This website is provided "as is" without warranty of any kind, either expressed or implied. kritterbox.com shall not be liable for any damages whatsoever, including, without limitation, those resulting from loss of use, data or profits, whether or not advised of the possibility of damage, and on any theory of liability, arising out of or in connection with the use or performance of this site or other documents which are referenced by or linked to this site.
This website exists solely for the purposes of exchange of information, communication and general entertainment. Opinions from posters are in no way endorsed by kritterbox.com. All posts on this website are the opinion of the authors and are not to be taken as statements of fact on behalf of kritterbox.com. This site may contain coarse language or other material that kritterbox.com is in no way responsible for. Material deemed to be offensive or pornographic at the discretion of kritterbox.com shall be removed. kritterbox.com reserves the right to modify, or remove posts and user accounts on this website at our discretion. kritterbox.com disclaims all liability for damages incurred directly or indirectly as a result of any material on this website. Fictitious posts and any similarity to any person living or dead is coincidental.
All users shall limit the insertion of any and all copyrighted material to portions of the article that are relevant to the point being made, with no more than 50%, and preferably less of the original source material. A link shall be visible in text format, embedded directly to the original source material without exception.
No third party links, i.e. blogs or forums will be accepted under any circumstances, and will be edited by staff in order to reflect the original source of copyrighted material, or be removed at the sole discretion of kritterbox.com.
Fair Use Notice:
This site may contain copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. Users may make such material available in an effort to advance awareness and understanding of issues relating to economics, individual rights, international affairs, liberty, science, and technology. This constitutes a 'fair use' of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C.Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for educational and/or research purposes.
This Disclaimer is subject to change at any time at our discretion.
Copyright © 2011 - 2017 kritterbox.com