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Generation broke.
06-17-2012, 02:55 AM #46
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:10,337 Threads:231 Joined:Feb 2011

we did complicate our World

The riches to me, were a treasure i plan to locate

and man did i delve into it

found it

and, on the way home

i thought what will i do with it

THAT,,, should have been asked before i started out down that road to find it.
06-17-2012, 01:51 PM #47
bohica Member
Posts:1,558 Threads:208 Joined:Feb 2011
My wife and I must be very lucky.
Our girl's dad died when she was 9, and when I got on the scene 2 years later,
It seemed to me that my wife to be was overcompensating for the loss. I explained to both of them that this was not
A good way to proceed, that giving everything to the child was not helping, but actually hurting, and that earning rewards was more fulfilling than being handed more stuff.
I explained my view of decisions/consequences, and tried to implementnot in our lives.
Case in point: when the child was 12, she stated that she needed money,"only $10 a week would be enough". When I asked her
How she planned to earn this money, she had no clue. I suggested she wash the supper dishes, as this was not difficult and she would be helping her mom at the same time. About a week later, after a completely unsatisfactory performance, I fired her. When she asked me what she was going to do for money, I just said "not the dishes".
I always stressed the value of independence, and I explained that whether it was right or wrong, in this world money talks and bullshit walks. We made a deal that we would buy all her A grades in University, and she finished with a 3.86 GPA.
When she graduated University, we told her that she could stay with us as long as she liked, but she would be required to save $1000 a month in her own bank account, as she couldn't live around here half as good for twice as much.
She stayed for about 30 months, earning a masters degree and wound up with a good job and enough money to put a down payment on her own condo about 10 minutes from NYC.
She's been on her own for almost 16 years, and though there were some bumps in the road, I believe we prepared her for the reality of the world we live in.

I think that insisting on accountability is a very important factor in parenting, and it can be implemented at any stage of life.

I stated that there were some bumps in the road, ( more like moments of horror), But now she is almost as old as Octo and calls several times a week and visits quite regularly, which is all the reward we look for.

I'm in my seventh decade on Earth. I know things.
06-17-2012, 04:20 PM #48
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:15,017 Threads:442 Joined:Jun 2012
To Bohica.

Well that doesn't work for all children.

My mother offered to pay for my daughter's first year in college and we will pay for the second. At that point, she can work part time and pay for any further education herself. She's still dragging her feet; sleeps, eats and goes out with her new boyfriend. Who by the way just got his college diploma in Graphic Arts, was given a good car by his parents, and is looking to the big city for a job. Maybe his drive will inspire her.

My son is not academically inclined, as we found out $4,500 later. However, we did offer to help him pay to get a ticket in a trade which is available at night school. So he would work all day then goes to school at night (once a week). He's not interested. He's still young and wants to party with his friends instead.

Bribery usually works for my daughter, but she expends very little energy for big bribes.
06-17-2012, 04:40 PM #49
Jed Member
Posts:210 Threads:40 Joined:Mar 2012
My son ain't academically inclined either. chuckle.gif
You got off pretty cheap, cost me over 10 grand
to come to same conclusion.
06-17-2012, 06:33 PM #50
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:15,017 Threads:442 Joined:Jun 2012
(06-17-2012, 04:40 PM)Jed Wrote:  My son ain't academically inclined either. chuckle.gif
You got off pretty cheap, cost me over 10 grand
to come to same conclusion.

Well, my son has trouble with math, but he excels in English and art. So the electrical course I selected for him had physics but no math. At the time of this decision, I was remembering my high school physics, so I thought it would be a sinch. Nope. Even with tutoring he failed, however, considering how bad he is in math he only failed by 2 points. So, I was actually quite impressed, considering the mathematical equations he was tackling.

I would like to see him become a graphic animation guru, but he says he's not the type of man to sit at a desk/computer all day.
06-17-2012, 08:22 PM #51
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:10,337 Threads:231 Joined:Feb 2011


if children turn out any other way then you wanted them to.

then you obviously did not work with them as MUCH as you could/should have.

always keep in mind

your children have your genectic encoding, what worked on YOU growing up

works on them.

and that is easy, cause you know you,,, at that age.lmao.gif
06-19-2012, 02:16 AM #52
Accidental Stoner Member
Posts:8,724 Threads:78 Joined:Feb 2011
Never really reflected on 'wanting the kids to turn out' anything but happy.

God knows I could've used a little support instead of constant belittling,
anger and ridicule from my own parents. Cost me time and an insane amount
of money, all for nothing, as it turned out.
(If there is such a thing. Some say all experiences are positive. chuckle.gif )

Oh, never mind.
I'm sure they thought they knew and wanted what was best for me.
That is so stupid.

My children have found their own way, it seems :)
As they must.
Went a whole lot better without me restricting them with phony know-better,
I am quite sure.

06-19-2012, 05:13 AM #53
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:15,017 Threads:442 Joined:Jun 2012
Well, all I know is my son made about $4000 so far, and has nadda. Party on?


06-19-2012, 06:28 AM #54
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:10,337 Threads:231 Joined:Feb 2011
Hey Stoner

remember when i wrote:

Life is experiential



the painting ( Picture of life)

is one dull painting
with only a few colors in it.

every damn experience,
every event

may be garnished for whatever value it brings

each, and it's value

will,, depending on how you internalize them and or perceive them

bring you knowledge,
and with the knowledge and how you disseminate it

will gain you understanding

correct understanding

brings Wisdom.

all,,, leads to a full experiential beautiful life.

or it can,,

choice, leaves room to the other option of course.

and only a fool
lives a fools life to the end
06-19-2012, 06:53 AM #55
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:15,017 Threads:442 Joined:Jun 2012
Yes, but he's doing it "mostly" on my coin and I have better things to do than work full time to support him.
06-19-2012, 09:11 AM #56
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:10,337 Threads:231 Joined:Feb 2011
get sneaky then

claim impoverishment

then ,,,find his guilt button,, and get him to kick coin into the household coffers

one of two things will occure

he will kick and stay

or find free space elsewhere even if it cost him more

like this,:::::: Honey,, I'm short this month on the elect. bill,,,
ya gonna help me out,, or be a Schmo with your Dough

heh heh
06-19-2012, 09:17 AM #57
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:10,337 Threads:231 Joined:Feb 2011
if he chooses : Schmo,,,

then look out the window

exhasperate a sigh,

let the shoulders slump

and mumble,,, sheesh,,, hard to believe this is the boy
i spent my life to raise and love,,

if he still has the dumbs

walk off
and everything you did for him,,,
he now has to do

wash his dishes
wash his clothes

you know,,, like he just lost his care-giver

any favors he expects from you

You don't exist

get it?
06-19-2012, 09:31 AM #58
Shadow Incognito Anonymous
I gave my kid the same thing my Mom gave me after graduation. A one way ticket to wherever she wanted to go. Earn your own way back. She did hi5.gif
06-19-2012, 10:05 AM #59
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:10,337 Threads:231 Joined:Feb 2011
my conditioning as a child
was one in which i always had to get my own

i fell out of a tree once at 5 years of age'''

crawled into the house stuck on whimper

" hey Ma',,, I fell out of the tree, i'm hurt bad Ma'

Ma' s reply ?

Welll,,,, stay out of the tree then.
06-19-2012, 10:09 AM #60
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:10,337 Threads:231 Joined:Feb 2011
so, faced with that,,, i unstuck my whimper button

rested up,,, and went back ,, climbed the tree

and this time, through my pissed off determination,,

beat that tree at it's game

made it down on my own as well

Tree's now stand aside when i walk the Forest

they gossip ya know

even tree's i've never met,,, have knowledge of me.

sneaky ass tree's anyway



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