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Jokes
08-10-2015, 03:22 AM #1
bohica Member
Posts:1,601 Threads:196 Joined:Feb 2011
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later a North Dakotan/Norwegian invented the hole in it.
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents.’
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep, dat's her!’
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said the First Norwegian. 'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.’
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. 'Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?' He asked. 'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena. 'I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.’
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. 'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.' 'How come?' asked Lars. 'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.'
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how DA hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here' he says and hangs up. 'Who vas dat?' asks Lena . 'I donno, some fool wanting to know if DA coast vas clear.’
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to. So Ole drove to Duluth .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Alexandria , Minnesota .
The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's said,'Ole...What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked.'
'Yah, I know,' said Ole. You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys and girls.'
'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.
‘Yah Yah, Anyway, dat Swen, he says, ‘Everybody get into the bedroom! 'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' 'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!' I guess I'm the first one here!

There's plenty of room for all God's creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes!
08-10-2015, 03:54 AM #2
White Ribbon call me
Posts:9,779 Threads:371 Joined:Apr 2013
blonde.gif
08-10-2015, 04:29 AM #3
Ruby Wolf Member
Posts:10,786 Threads:721 Joined:Oct 2012
What do you tell a blonde with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice!

Ha haa haaa haaaa (*=*)
08-10-2015, 11:57 AM #4
JayRodney ⓐⓛⓘⓔⓝ
Posts:31,393 Threads:1,439 Joined:Feb 2011
lmao2.gif

Did you hear the one about the woman with a breast implant made of wood?

It would be funny if it had a punchline

Wooden tit

wonder.gif
08-10-2015, 12:22 PM #5
White Ribbon call me
Posts:9,779 Threads:371 Joined:Apr 2013
(08-10-2015, 11:57 AM)JayRodney Wrote:  lmao2.gif

Did you hear the one about the woman with a breast implant made of wood?

It would be funny if it had a punchline

Wooden tit

Eh, thats what you call a daddy joke..

yup.gif
08-10-2015, 12:49 PM #6
Octo Mother Superior
Posts:43,015 Threads:1,474 Joined:Feb 2011
lol.gif
08-10-2015, 01:40 PM #7
Ruby Wolf Member
Posts:10,786 Threads:721 Joined:Oct 2012
In my opinion anything and everything should be fair game when it comes to comedy...

Years ago someone told me this sickest of jokes that i will repeat here as casually as possible...

How come j#w# dont like to eat p#s#y?...Because its too close to the gas chamber...

"We must laugh in the face of our helplessness against the forces of nature or go insane" - Charlie Chaplin
08-10-2015, 02:36 PM #8
JayRodney ⓐⓛⓘⓔⓝ
Posts:31,393 Threads:1,439 Joined:Feb 2011
(08-10-2015, 12:22 PM)the white ribbon Wrote:  
(08-10-2015, 11:57 AM)JayRodney Wrote:  lmao2.gif

Did you hear the one about the woman with a breast implant made of wood?

It would be funny if it had a punchline

Wooden tit

Eh, thats what you call a daddy joke..

yup.gif

bob.gif chuckle.gif


Do you have a small 2$ to spare?

Tariq is a 10 year old Pakistani from Pakistan who lives in a tiny village and has to walk 7 miles everyday to bring water for his family. Tariq only has one arm and can barely walk because his legs are uneven, so he has to do the long commute on a bike. Unfortunately, the bike only has one pedal. If you had 2$ to spare, we'd send you the DVD. It's ğkking hilarious.

wonder.gif
08-10-2015, 02:39 PM #9
White Ribbon call me
Posts:9,779 Threads:371 Joined:Apr 2013
blonde.gif
08-10-2015, 02:41 PM #10
JayRodney ⓐⓛⓘⓔⓝ
Posts:31,393 Threads:1,439 Joined:Feb 2011
The DVD is worth every penny.

wonder.gif
08-10-2015, 02:56 PM #11
White Ribbon call me
Posts:9,779 Threads:371 Joined:Apr 2013
Oh that bit wasnt there when i did blondie..
08-10-2015, 02:56 PM #12
White Ribbon call me
Posts:9,779 Threads:371 Joined:Apr 2013
İmage
08-10-2015, 03:22 PM #13
JayRodney ⓐⓛⓘⓔⓝ
Posts:31,393 Threads:1,439 Joined:Feb 2011
chuckle.gif True story actually. *ahem* bored.gif




The inventor of dog treats has died earlier today.

Him was a good boy. Yes him was.

wonder.gif
08-10-2015, 05:00 PM #14
Shadow Mrs. Buckwheat
Posts:12,782 Threads:1,182 Joined:Feb 2011
A woman walking along a path one day stumbled on a lovely old jar. While she was rubbing the dirt off, a genie appeared and said she could have 3 wishes but there was a caveat. Every thing she wished for, her hated ex-husband would get double.

So she said, genie I wish for a million dollars, and POOF she had it but her ex got 2 million.

Next she wished for a mansion on a private island, POOF she had her mansion but her ex now had 2.

Then she said 'Genie, for my last wish I want you to scare me half to death.
08-10-2015, 05:30 PM #15
Accidental Stoner Member
Posts:8,927 Threads:71 Joined:Feb 2011
Everything was set for water-skiing to conquer Norway.
Business prospects looked good. However, it never took
off, because the Norwegians could not find a fjord with
a slope in it.

13.gif

On the bottom end of Norwegian Coca-Cola bottles, it
says: "Øbnes fra andre änden." ["Open in other end"]

chuckle.gif



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