This is mortal lock proof because if you can't trust your government, who can you trust?
The USPS does NOT deliver mail to Antarctica! You can verify this at their website.
Yet they DO deliver countless pieces of mail to Santa Claus. Don't give me the lame story that Antarctica is too treacherous to deliver to as an excuse...do you think delivering to the North Pole is a walk in the park, especially since there is no street address?
Santa Claus was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt by Jimmy Stewart himself in the "Miracle on 34th Street." Don't tell me he wasn't in the movie. He played the role of Harvey. You couldn't see him because he was invisible and rabbits don't talk. You might have seen the sequel by the same name. Mr. Stewart was also a Boy Scout, an Air Force pilot during WWII, and a US Senator, so he don't lie.
After his death, a shape shifting impersonator took over his role as Harvey. But he's been caught now, as well he should have been because he's apparently done some bad, bad things. Jimmuh Stewart, might have had lust in his heart, but he would never have 'picked' a Rose that wasn't his if you catch my drift.
By the way, all of the above would make for a great movie treatment. Do you think the Weisenheimers in Hollywood would ever greenlight it? To keep the "based on a true story" authenticity intact, the ghost of Leslie Nielsen could play Jimmy Stewart. To make it work, Leslie could be cast like Steinbrenner was in Seinfeld.
I say with all these ghosts in it, it could become a Halloween Classic, just like "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Christmas Story" are annual must watch movies every December. Hey, if Mars and Hershey can sell candy every year a month before Halloween until Valentine's Day, we can certainly extend the annual movie watching traditions to include a masterpiece like this.
You can purchase tickets in advance by using my PayPal account. You should trust me by now based on all the whistle blowing I've done here. So send $19.95 plus shipping and handling to email@example.com. If you act within the next 10 minutes, you'll receive a second ticket absolutely free along with a free Sham Wow, which is similar to that other rag thing, only it'll be embroidered with yours and my initials because as a customer you will become my BFF. <--- no homo!... at least not any more.
Group prices are available for the Grand Opening in Lagos which sounds kind of like Los Angeles. That's why we picked it. For group orders, please include your debit card number and the last four or five digits of your password. If you're not sure what the last four or five digits are, you can use the first four or five digits. Mmmwwaaaaaaa! Luv U!!
Inspector Clouseau III
PS. Let's put my granddad in the movie as well as another ghost detective or ghost hunter. Maybe the late Hugh Hefner could have a cameo looking for his 72 virgins.
I gotta run to give me time to prepare my Oscar exceptance speech. Exceptance speeches are very much like acceptance speeches other than the spell check part.
Pray for me.