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07-11-2013, 11:42 PM #16
Octo Mother Superior
Posts:43,734 Threads:1,500 Joined:Feb 2011
But yes, time zones make time travel possible. Take a 20 minute plane ride west from here will put me at the destination 40 minutes before I started.
IAmComedy Show this Post
07-11-2013, 11:50 PM #17
IAmComedy Incognito Anonymous
(07-11-2013, 11:40 PM)Octo Wrote:  No thanks, you can keep your t-shirt.

As far as writing the script, aren't we all doing that for our own life? Your script lacks a bit of structure though. t-dancing.gifchuckle.gif

You data already got pulled when you walked in the door.

This is a comedy show, it differs from lectures found at Universities.

Just as a Comedian would not go to a University, and work his act, as Scientist would not do so well going to a Comedy Theater, and working his act.

If you dont understand that, then you are going to be forced to wear the god damn t shirt, or I will just shoot you from the stage, and better the gene pool, and get rounds of applause.

Your choice.

(in a sniveler voice of much disdain)

now please, to keep the peace, and not burn down the block again, please leave the theater, we will refund you, and give you back all of your biometric data and information, and not send the goons.

your second option, is to shut the ğck up, and go dingle the berry in the library, in nice (decreases distance to microphone, and elevates voice) HUSHED TONES, with others of like mind.

and, uh hum, if you want to solve my structures issues, then get me a live gig, so my mind does not have to be constrained, for your pleasure of course, by such crude apparatus's as keyboards.

and if you want to be my personal editor, then i pay in blowjobs and weed, (gasp), and, and t shirts.

07-11-2013, 11:56 PM #18
Octo Mother Superior
Posts:43,734 Threads:1,500 Joined:Feb 2011
Leave the theater you say?

Since I own this theater I don't think you're in a position to demand such things.

Anonymous Kritter Show this Post
07-12-2013, 12:10 AM #19
Anonymous Kritter Incognito Anonymous
fatman.gif Radio station is having a hot dog sale fundraiser.
07-12-2013, 12:12 AM #20
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:9,917 Threads:223 Joined:Feb 2011
Non nano may work for those
of the Apostles

However those outside still need to get in somehow

That bomb under Judas' skirt is showing so the
logistics of concealment needs to be run through again .

I hate a failed attempt by a Betrayer , so I'll do it myself ,
rest of the audience ,,, relax with the Umbrellas from
your Mai Tai's so your Tan
doesn't get a burn

Door prizes are running short , down to three cans
of Chicken Noodle
so edible t-shirts will supplant for now .

Tomorrows show will be Bobbin

Head Bobbin , cause we lost tail bobbin to the
Media sharks in the toilet last Wednesday at the " All-U-Can-Snort
Rib special .

To the Low Fat Broad middle left of stage

" Lady , that was not enough Feminine Hygiene product ,,,
you either need to stop ass sweat or get a drum of it on "

Exit now for the Fly Circus,,, fleas went out in the '30's

Anonymous Kritter Show this Post
07-12-2013, 01:00 AM #21
Anonymous Kritter Incognito Anonymous
(07-11-2013, 09:26 AM)JollyRoger Wrote:  
(07-11-2013, 08:16 AM)IAmComedy Wrote:  

Yeah..... Better keep your janitor's day job at Castle Mega Store.

coming from a gay window washer..... gotta sting lmao.giflmao.gif
07-12-2013, 01:30 AM #22
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:15,362 Threads:434 Joined:Jun 2012
Quote:By the way, did Elvis really die?


07-12-2013, 01:51 AM #23
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:15,362 Threads:434 Joined:Jun 2012
(07-11-2013, 08:16 AM)IAmComedy Wrote:  Ok, yes, you paid for this. Now lets get some things straight. If it was not for this gig, I would be a serial killer, and never mind all that bio metric reading equipment at the door.

Nervous yet?

Well, maybe you shouldn't be.

(looks around carefully)

I saw that.

f**kers, never trusting who you pay money to. Like government. Then bitch about someone you gave money to robbing you.

And now I see threads talking about building space ships like Star Trek. You kidding me?


(small squeaky marshmellow voice) "what does this do". BOOOOOOOOOOOOM BLAAAAGAGAGAURRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM......Puff.

(in heaven) "you f****ng god damn Christians and Muslims fighting over you false phallus idol, off with your heads"... another shaving of penis size ensues. "AHHHH run for your lifes alahahjebus bing bang."

Wheewww, glad that is over, now go f****ng shoot yourselfs.

Just kidding.

Well, at least on the first date.

Im not going to ask you if you smoke, but if you get but raped like little catholic girls at the alters of government and money? and if so, well, then you really do need to go and shoot yourself.

"warning, warning, 1 violation of PC thought crime".

and yes, i really do love my job, you know.

us janitors. thats what a comedian is you know, he takes all the sh!t and has it thrown back at him, and then turns around, bends over, and incinerates the crowd into subjection.

(brings out handkerchief for the two ladies on the front row)

now, where was i?

oh, yes sex.

just a question, but are their any sailors out there that knows what its like to desire the bulk head of the ship?

didnt think so.

when you desire the ship itself, and get wet whenever anyone mentions the ship as "him", you might need some shore leave.

confused yet?

hopefully, it makes it easier.

i know what you are thinking.

"i heard stories from grandparents of what entertainment was during the great depression, this is going to such, and hopefully by then its still free, though I could spare a can of soup".

Can I give you the benefit of the doubt?

Surely not you wankerbaskets. Like yanker basket. Whicker basket.

Do we feel the civil war rising? There goes that hard on again.

By the way, did Elvis really die?

I mean, fu*k all that serious sh!t, this question is of profound national security importance.

Lady gag gag is interested in O butter man in vegas.

(meanwhile, deep in a liar, far in the bottom of mount jefferson)

(weird english voice of the time) "if they ever figure out that all this sh!t is just concepts in "our" heads, we are f*cked".

duh duh duhnn.. --to be, continued, and if you dont like it, there morgue is right down the street, adjacent the fairy tale shop.

I don't get you.
IAmComedy Show this Post
07-12-2013, 01:54 AM #24
IAmComedy Incognito Anonymous
No one pays attention anymore.

Life for us humans has become a farce of preprogrammed interfacing layered language, phrases, words, etc.


its called mutation.

all these "edumucated" people, and their stagnation.

they dont understand science obviously, and think once the wheel is created, it must be perfected, and then put in on a pedestal, always to look at, but never to change. an idol. thereby never moving beyond it, by turning away from it.

how can you?

dumb fuckers. (makes weird facial contortion, while rolling eyes and sticking tongue out)

sheesh. i tell ya.

these are the same people that think, going from jv football, wont be to bad.

(scene on stage changes to a football field in the middle of no where, on a hot summer day)

(coach) you fresh meat faggots, get out there and be second team hit the ğck out of you pillows, now go.

(end of scene leaves nothing but decapitated bodies with arms and legs missing)

yeah, I hated high school until the magic summer. that magic summer i lost my virginity, and grew a foot. who would of a figured?

up until that point, it was just the same ole getting your face knocked in routine. then my senior year, i finally got to be the head asshole. yeah, thats right, i know you cant tell with this arm bandage on, but its true.

i had figured, that up until that point, no one had perfected being an asshole yet, and set out on a mission. 5 months later i retired, having achieved my goal, and upon finding drugs as well.

(increases voice into mic) THANK ME!

youre welcome.

my mother comes to visit me way to often. just the other day she brings over some things that she knows i dont like, and then makes my dog drink out of the water bowl outside.

she was an english teacher all her life, so she does not really get the t shirt idea. poor dumb bitch is still with my dad, go figure.

oh speaking of the legal system, and i was out in my town a few nights back at 2 in the morning taking pictures, and i noticed alot of police cars driving up and down the drag after each other. i think they were practicing pulling people over, and turning around to chase them at high speed. then right after this, i saw the cops fill their cars up, at the "private" cash station.

(looking up in preponderance)

i am now fully convinced the government wants us to hang them from trees.

(from the crown) "i love the government".

Yes, and you liked the bully as well, when the spare change starts rolling all over the floor. i remember you, the ones eating the candy my change bought after school. ğkking assholes.

well anyway, my ma said she saw the show, at the theater one night, and that it sucked. i know this is true, because i found her bio data in the system at the front door.

i would have felt worse if she liked it, and actually be concerned.

thats ok, she has eye problems, and will be lying face down in a pillow that looks more like one made for someone taking a really difficult shït with, but hey, the eye is in the beholder i suppose, but look at this pile of shït, is the message here i think.

my mood gets better, just in case you are wondering. i have a winter time mood as well. imagine, you being snow, and me standing above you, while pissing on it, while waving to the drunk santa clause, pretending he is flying, while rope walking between the only two buildings downtown.

thats the winter "festive" mood for me.

07-12-2013, 02:01 AM #25
Cynicalabsurdance Member
Posts:9,917 Threads:223 Joined:Feb 2011
As peter ,the last Apostle , He puppets the christ
in a street theater just south of the vatican and washes souls
with his worn brillo pad

Soon the monsoon season will be upon him

and soul washing will be relegated unto the rain
so he must invent a Religion and ask for donations
in order to pay his rent on the cave he dwells in .

Trailers for sale or rent
caves to that fifty cents

no phone no pool
no pets
he doesn't smoke cigarettes

His camel having the Bird Flu
he becomes a foot traveler
by night
and a Bus rider by day

Ending his meals with a prayer
to the Goddess Sophia
he hopes to win her favor and gain acceptance into her Cult
where donations increase because women are more generous than
men .

Sophia is not on line however
and his prayers go to the spam filter
and redirected to junk mail

Alas he is to be satisfied with only His Cult of the Blood
sacrifice of a Christ without heavenly Body
for the body left in a Saucer just months before

Coming to the Mount , he sets his corner stone for
his church of the Silk Pimps

being the first Pope has it's draw backs
but it as well leaves open to set the rules
for the venue

owning to the fact that he was spurned By the Goddess
He declares Women as Evil and denounces them
with his scripture

Sophia has Peter skinned back

No longer a Fore Skin

Peter must take Back Skin as his fate .

From his Back skin position
he can now see clearly his balls
and where they made their mistake

he gives in and allows
for women to enter the church as Nuns

which stands for None for them

meaning no penile injection
for they must remain intact to prove their
loyalty to the Prince of pricks " Peter the Dick "
Anonymous Kritter Show this Post
07-12-2013, 02:02 AM #26
Anonymous Kritter Incognito Anonymous
Well aren't you just all that and a bag of potato chips too coffeetime.gif
Anonymous Kritter Show this Post
07-12-2013, 02:03 AM #27
Anonymous Kritter Incognito Anonymous
Comedy I mean. CA makes sense sporadically chuckle.gif
07-12-2013, 02:13 AM #28
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:15,362 Threads:434 Joined:Jun 2012
High school football? I liked high school football for it's exciting action. The football players liked me, I liked only one football player...he played hard to get...therefore, did not get got.

IAmComedy Show this Post
07-12-2013, 02:25 AM #29
IAmComedy Incognito Anonymous
i love watching city people.

especially dog owners. watching humans pick up the shït of other animals brings a whole new meaning to "people watching".

humans make better shït compactors. you can feed a human anything, and the rot iron gut can sort it out. even other humans. (smiling wilely with gesturing arms)

can i tell you a secret? there is a puddle of piss behind that curtain over there. (points behind, with ragging finger)

(heckler yells) "did you piss yourself"

No, but i did shït under everyone's chairs. by this time, you should not be wondering if that was last weeks popcorn butter yukkk.

(some look under their chairs)

yeah, im giving you guys shirts to take to your families when you leave.

Hey. Did you know that the sun and earth recently had a conversation?

No? Ok, well they did.

I dont now how it ended, but it started the same way a man and a woman do. In other news, I hear domestic violence is on the rise.

(man in front row smiling overly largely)

(points to him)

You, sir, need to be in jail.

Here he is! (points)

no, i think the real problem here is damns.

yes, damns.

as soon as man put damn in, he prevented the flow of the woman, which is the earth, thereby killing himself. and as long as damn are around, so to will be the deadly heat.

yes, i can see it now, a movement of sexually frustrated men, causing floods world wide with pick axes, could we be so lucky?

no laughing women, some of us know your desperation's, by having red wings. hmmmm, another way to possibly kiil yourself, that will be added to the list.

(writes in suicide notebook " flying red bull")

Follow the bouncing ball, watch it, see it. there it goes. bouncy ball bouncy ball. .. .. . .

(scene changes to a political party)

i know, lets give those ğkking liars more money, that will solve the problems.

(an angry little man walks in) "shut up, if we did not have government, everyone would be killed in the most horrendous of manner, and we must not let that happen for the children".

who the ğck was that, and what was in his hand?

looked like some type of probing device that had the words "happiness reeducation" stamped on it.

did you see that?

(crowd just stares blankly)

(stares back at crowd)

(30 minutes have gone by, and the crowd is talking to itself now)

(its the next day, half the crowd is back again.)

(comedian still standing in place, staring at the crowd)

(and suddenly)

ğkking weird man, its as if im in another dimensions, but still in this one, while everything else around me is changing but staying the same, because I swear i just saw a midget with a large dildo just walk onto the stage, and turn around and walk away again.

yeah, what do you do with such a comic, but pay him money, and or, hang him. paying him money, and then hanging him. yes. thats the human spirit. i knew you could if you only tried.

ok, well its getting late, and i off course have to catch a plane before someone kills me, but will be seeing you as always, every other night, in the one holed comedy club int the middle of downtown nowhere, for more entertainment, scattered daintily across the sewer fields of hamster damn.

Good night!!

IAmComedy Show this Post
07-12-2013, 02:30 AM #30
IAmComedy Incognito Anonymous
(07-12-2013, 02:13 AM)UniqueStranger Wrote:  High school football? I liked high school football for it's exciting action. The football players liked me, I liked only one football player...he played hard to get...therefore, did not get got.


Is this a proposition or something?

I already gave my terms, blowjobs and weed, dont waste my time.



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