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The Story Of The Turtle, The Cricket and the Fly
Anonymous Kritter Show this Post
02-07-2017, 04:22 AM #1
Anonymous Kritter Incognito Anonymous
 
İmage

One beautiful spring day a turtle is walking through a meadow. A humble cricket sees the turtle and says, "Hello Mr. Turtle. May I hitch a ride on your shell?"
The turtles replies, "Why of course you can Mr. Cricket, hop on up here."
The cricket hops up on the turtle's shell and they continue merrily along .
As they went on their way a fly comes along and starts flying around the turtle. The turtle responds, "Why are you flying around me Mr. Fly?" The fly replies, "Because you smell like shït, I'm attracted to that lovely smell." The turtle replies, "That's not me that's the cricket. I think he's Egyptian."

The turtle, the cricket and the fly all began to laugh uncontrollably.


The End
02-07-2017, 05:56 AM #2
UniqueStranger Art in my heart
Posts:14,835 Threads:441 Joined:Jun 2012
I will tell you a true story.

Once upon a time, when I was a young child, I happened upon a gang of boys lighting firecrackers under a turtles shell. Me being a tom boy, I challenged the whole gang and took the turtle to my home.

My mother tended to its wounds and called the SPCA.

The boy who owned the turtle showed up the next day asking for the turtle back and my mother told him to send his mother or father to speak to her.

So ends my story.
02-07-2017, 11:55 AM #3
JayRodney ⓐⓛⓘⓔⓝ
Posts:30,314 Threads:1,477 Joined:Feb 2011
I've had turtles off and on my entire life.
They are really sweet and make great pets.
That pic is an eastern box turtle. Terrapin Carolina.

wonder.gif
02-07-2017, 01:15 PM #4
Kreeper Griobhtha
Posts:10,565 Threads:696 Joined:Feb 2011
They are sweet if you purge them before butchering and cooking.

coffeetime.gif

Politicians hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to poor
02-07-2017, 01:22 PM #5
Kreeper Griobhtha
Posts:10,565 Threads:696 Joined:Feb 2011
(02-07-2017, 04:22 AM)Anonymous Kritter Wrote:  İmage

One beautiful spring day a turtle is walking through a meadow. A humble cricket sees the turtle and says, "Hello Mr. Turtle. May I hitch a ride on your shell?"
The turtles replies, "Why of course you can Mr. Cricket, hop on up here."
The cricket hops up on the turtle's shell and they continue merrily along .
As they went on their way a fly comes along and starts flying around the turtle. The turtle responds, "Why are you flying around me Mr. Fly?" The fly replies, "Because you smell like shït, I'm attracted to that lovely smell." The turtle replies, "That's not me that's the cricket. I think he's Egyptian."

The turtle, the cricket and the fly all began to laugh uncontrollably.


The End

That reminds me of a gag joke we used to tell. You get everyone except a few people in on it. You tell them that when you say the last line of the nonsensical joke they need to start "laughing" uncontrollably. The fun part is watching the reactions of the people that aren't in on it.

Nonsensical "joke":

There were three butchers in a tub taking a bath. They were sitting one in front of the other in a line. The one in the front says to the one in the back, "Hey, hand me the soap." The one in the back replies, "Hand you the soap? What do I look like, a DJ or something?"

Everyone busts out laughing at this nonsense like it is the funniest joke they have ever heard.

Yeah, your op reminds me of that joke.

Politicians hide themselves away
They only started the war
Why should they go out to fight?
They leave that role to poor
I like Turtles Show this Post
02-07-2017, 05:47 PM #6
I like Turtles Incognito Anonymous
 
I was Bow Fishing off a bridge in Thonotosassa Florida years ago and took a 57 lb snapping turtle. Nothing better than deep fried 'Turtle Nuggets"
02-08-2017, 03:12 PM #7
eclipsed Member
Posts:351 Threads:4 Joined:Jan 2017
here in central florida we have gopher tortoises...and being rural there was a nice healthy one behind the drainage pond in the trees.
it is so sandy here they can dig easily even among trees.
he would come out and i would send someone for a tomato.
i would hold the tomato and let him take chunks.
he really liked them and would come running towards us, if you can call it running.

once i saw a ratty old neighborhood dog with a pretty big one IN HIS MOUTH.
he was running down the side of the road taking it somewhere to chew on.
i jumped out of my car and chased that dog down.
he was surprised to see me coming after him so he dropped it and ran!

i am also one of those people who stop their vehicles and go run out into the road to make sure the turtles and tortoises make it to the other side.
some people will deliberately run over them.and will do it right in front of you because they are know what you are doing...

key point here is that if you ever get one off the road, make sure you take him to the side he appears to be heading towards..
if you bring him back to the wrong side, he will simply try to cross again.
which way is he going? thats the side of the road to put him.
02-08-2017, 06:30 PM #8
Octo Mother Superior
Posts:40,985 Threads:1,527 Joined:Feb 2011
You need to work on that story, OP.


There is actually an African story about turtles and farts. It's about how turtles got their shells and it's a lot better story.
Anonymous Kritter Show this Post
02-08-2017, 08:26 PM #9
Anonymous Kritter Incognito Anonymous
 
(02-07-2017, 04:22 AM)Anonymous Kritter Wrote:  İmage

One beautiful spring day a turtle is walking through a meadow. A humble cricket sees the turtle and says, "Hello Mr. Turtle. May I hitch a ride on your shell?"
The turtles replies, "Why of course you can Mr. Cricket, hop on up here."
The cricket hops up on the turtle's shell and they continue merrily along .
As they went on their way a fly comes along and starts flying around the turtle. The turtle responds, "Why are you flying around me Mr. Fly?" The fly replies, "Because you smell like shït, I'm attracted to that lovely smell." The turtle replies, "That's not me that's the cricket. I think he's Egyptian."

The turtle, the cricket and the fly all began to laugh uncontrollably.


The End

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