Static. Isnt it soothing? turn it up. yeah, there you go, love it. now keep it on like this for days at a time, and then lets talk.
The utter stupendous about of static we get everyday, its amazing we can talk at all.
back before communication was outlawed, people were confused and didnt make sense.
Yes, that was before the tower of babble. Madonna was still singing "like a virgin", and coal was still used for heating purposes. Aside from that life, was boring.
the very first man that pointed out the absurdity of it all was stoned to death. Then the other people around him stoned him to death. amazing the capacity of the human mind to observe itself, before its actions ehh?
oh glorious bee, they nectar tastes like slums, the hollow burn of the tree.
(monsanto) we thought you meant it literally.
of course, always blaming someone else arent ya?
yeah, i see how this works.
(gestures to the teenager in the 5th row)
hey, arent you supposed to be home? one reason to check bio metric data as you all came in, to keep your kind out, which ones are your parents? oh, i see, and understand your predicament, can the theater help you in any way?
you want a t shirt?
(flings a t shirt out into the 5th row)
theres your ƒükking t shirt. what? finally went to a late night comedy show that treats ya the same as your parents?
whats that? you feel "at home"? oh well good, we would hate to disturb the family.
(theater disclaimer, the midget speaketh, "public notice, all people biometrically read are of 18 years old and up, thank you for enjoying the show")
ok, now that dude has issues.........(looks around at crowd)
dont blame me mother fuckers, you be the ones spending that hard earned money for the shït storm, not me. im the one bending over.
yeah, you know it...
and you know what else, most of you laughing in here,are doing so because you are afraid if you dont, your date would think you are stupid. which makes everyone in this room a ƒükking moran.
ok, i think this went well, as its now 3 in the morning, and no one has died, started itching from the STD's on the tolliet yet, and an orgy has not started yet in the bathroom, from what i am told, and so, i will remain on stage. but feel free to ƒück while i watch from the stage, i always wanted to be known, not for my comedy, but for my ability to manifest the best peeping tom show on the face of the planet every night.
no, no, i would never hypnotize you into doing that, im only kidding.
oh reading your minds as well? who said i could read your minds?
(midget upstairs- did that ball gag not teach you anything)
apparently not. i believe i swallowed it last time, and shït it out on the last crowd.
yes, picture that. (japanease start snapping photographs)
no, not that.
ahh yes, japan. i got off the plane in japan, and thought it was new jork, except with only japanease people in it. poor little fellas with china melting down their island and all.
yeah, long live shrimp. uh yeah, or something like that.
i decided the best way to handle the Japanese was to be staki drunk on saki, and high all the time. yep. saki drunk on saki. thats right.
i never bow, so that was a problem. i have this thing in my back that prevents me from bowing to any other human. except with certain cops, while on duty. on the hood of cruiser, while she has me handcuffed to the search lights.
but that was many visits to jail ago. back when women cops were much more interested in ƒükking inmates. no, things were more free then, we did not have so many regulations as now that would prevent such crimes. It would by as if the government of today hires people to molest others without their consent, and spy on them, in order to do so, and government would never do that. i mean, what would be teh point of creating an environment within government, that was conducive to criminal activity? that would be a big waste of money.
only crazy people believe the government would use mafia tactics on itself to further gain control, everyone knows this.
hmmm humm, sticks an ostrich head up your bum. ahhh cheeww fuckk youuuu blaome blatherspoon.
(a woman from audience asks about the charity event for the shirts)
no, we wont kiss now, no thanks, i have still not recovered from my VTD from last months show. no no, not the hookers. not STD's, but VTD...
really, well that is interesting, i never thought about putting a shirt on a building before.
will try it and see what happens. i mean, the worst that can happen is i will die, and the best is that everyone will be pissed off in some way about it.