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hehehe
12-05-2014, 01:24 AM #1
ocker1 Member
Posts:2,028 Threads:789 Joined:Mar 2011
A doctor was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole in one when his cell phone rang. It was another doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.

The golfer told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he’d be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up finishing all 18. He finished his round, shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10.

He was jubilant, then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw his wife’s doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife’s condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted: “You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn’t you? I hope you’re proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club, your wife has been languishing in the ICU. It’s just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care. And you’ll be her care giver!”

The husband was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.

The doctor started to snicker and said: “Just kidding! She died more than two hours ago. What’d you shoot?”
12-05-2014, 01:51 AM #2
Octo Mother Superior
Posts:42,574 Threads:1,469 Joined:Feb 2011
scream.gif
12-05-2014, 01:57 AM #3
JayRodney ⓐⓛⓘⓔⓝ
Posts:31,265 Threads:1,438 Joined:Feb 2011
Great bedside manner in a doctor is so hard to find.

wonder.gif
12-05-2014, 05:16 AM #4
Shadow Mrs. Buckwheat
Posts:12,782 Threads:1,182 Joined:Feb 2011
ha. ha.

When I was young and not much sense,
I peed on the electric fence.
It curled my hair and fried my balls,
I even crapped my overalls.
12-05-2014, 02:50 PM #5
misterbumps Member
Posts:1,051 Threads:38 Joined:Apr 2012
(12-05-2014, 05:16 AM)Shadow Wrote:  ha. ha.

When I was young and not much sense,
I peed on the electric fence.
It curled my hair and fried my balls,
I even crapped my overalls.

lol

I can see by your coat my friend you're from the other side. Just one thing I got to know. Who won?
12-05-2014, 02:55 PM #6
Cloud Atlas Member
Posts:532 Threads:98 Joined:Aug 2013
Once I worked for a manufacturing company and the boss there was a most arrogant big headed.

We were in a meeting and discussing a complaint issue that came from a carless production assembly fault. The section manager presented his report and did his best to defend the culprit, "Alan" (the offender) he said, "is going through very hard and rough times, he needs our support".

The boss said "so, what's up?", the section manager replied : "his wife left him for another guy". "Ah, ok, so would you go and fetch Alan for us and bring him here?"

When they entered the board room, we were about 10 overheads in there, the boss said: "Alan, you know how harmfull for us your careless work has been, but we're giving you a last chance, settle down your personal issues immediately, take the rest of week off, get drunk and celebrate, but then when you get back, concentrate on your work".

omg.gif cry.gif

“Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.” ― David Mitchell
Falling down Show this Post
12-06-2014, 07:04 AM #7
Falling down Incognito Anonymous
 
(12-05-2014, 01:51 AM)Octo Wrote:  scream.gif
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.
Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."
Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.
Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."
The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f**k with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
12-07-2014, 01:40 AM #8
Octo Mother Superior
Posts:42,574 Threads:1,469 Joined:Feb 2011
chuckle.gif



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