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hehehe -- Havin a bad day ?
01-25-2017, 06:14 AM #1
ocker1 Member
Posts:1,971 Threads:764 Joined:Mar 2011
Bad day
Saint Peter is seeing all of the new arrivals trying to go thru the pearly gates in heaven.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one.
"I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed.
She claimed she had just got out of the shower.
Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry too.

I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover.
I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the bugger clinging to the rail by his fingertips.
I was so mad that I bashed his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but some awnings and bushes broke his fall.

On seeing he was still alive I found some super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over.
It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a heart attack and died."

Saint Peter thanked him and sent him on to the waiting room.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst.
"I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment.
I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building.
I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came running out on there and bashed my hands with a flower pot.
I fell, hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me.
I tried to crawl out of the way but couldn't and was hit and killed."

Saint Peter couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the waiting room.

Saint Peter is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters.
He apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the two fellows that arrived here just before you."
I don't know about that" replies the man. "But picture this, I'm stark naked, hiding in this antique cedar chest......."
01-25-2017, 09:25 AM #2
-NIGHTMARE- Member
Posts:531 Threads:5 Joined:Aug 2012
lmao.gif

' Welcome to My Nightmare '
01-25-2017, 10:12 AM #3
JayRodney ⓐⓛⓘⓔⓝ
Posts:31,582 Threads:1,566 Joined:Feb 2011
rofl.gif

wonder.gif
01-25-2017, 11:09 PM #4
eclipsed Member
Posts:76 Threads:0 Joined:Jan 2017
that was funny Octo!

heres one for ya:
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
He figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party
Anonymous Kritter Show this Post
01-25-2017, 11:33 PM #5
Anonymous Kritter Incognito Anonymous
 
(01-25-2017, 11:09 PM)eclipsed Wrote:  that was funny Octo!

heres one for ya:
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
He figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party

chuckle.gif But the OP was Ocker not Octo



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